No Romance WITHOUT FINANCE
I was chatting with a friend yesterday and outta the clear blue here’s the question he posed:
If you were together with someone for a three or four months, would you ask them how much they had in savings? Would you ask them what their financial portfolio looks like?
And if you know me, then you know my answer was:
Hell yeah, that’s a perfectly sound question! It’s one of my top 5!
she aint said nothing but a word
We went on to briefly chat about people failing to ask potential mates about their financial standing and outlook; which got me to thinking.
About two weeks ago I met this dude and he was trying to chat me up HARD! So we’re chopping it up for a minute and as things progress I start to ask him what he does for a living.
Lawdfadagod. This fella had a LIST!
He’s a Taxi driver, he plays in somebodys church band, he runs some supposed videography business ( which I’ve seen some sorta proof but who knows) and he’s part owner in a family business. By the time he finished his list, all I was thinking about was that In Livin Color Skit about the Jamaican family with 50 jobs each and they were always late for work and had to go!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m NEVER opposed to a man/woman having more than one gig to make ends meat, but when you have so many one has to wonder WHY? I mean are you making that little that you need to work like a tourist mule in the Honduran sea side? Whatever happened to that little account marked Savings and why don’t you seem to have any?
I know it may sound bourgeois to some, but his stock fell about a good 250 points due to his plethora of employers. I’m fully aware that some may have an issue with my stance and to that I say, You DATE HIM, if you feel so strongly. I have already dated that guy that had to work two jobs and yet he was still barely making it = BRUKNESS not BROKENESS. I did my part in supporting a brutha through his struggle. I do not like the stench nor the taste of poverty/poordom/pauperly living. My family wasn’t always living this decent, so I KNOW what it’s like to struggle. I just don’t intend on struggling due to someone else’s lackadaisical stance on the meaning of a dollar. Nope. Not me! I don’t mind dating a man with no car BUT you cant have no car, no money, no clue as to what a savings account is/is meant for AND owe money on your VISA bill. I may have fallen stepping on a bus once, but is sure wasn’t the YELLOW bus!
You no longer have to have just a J.O.B if you wana be with me, that was soo 1988. Now one should have GOOD CREDIT (decent credit will not get us very far), a reasonable five year plan of financial feasibility, preferably one job and the list goes on. I’m no gold digger, I have a job (and a pension), I just believe that we must be like minded and realistic when it comes to things like finances.
T.
Posted: July 17th, 2008 under Just Vixen, V's Relationship/Dating Stuff.
Comments: 5
Comments
Comment from R
Time: July 17, 2008, 6:05 pm
well…to that i must add. I met a brother over the weekend, we exchanged numbers and later in the day he proceeded to text me. one of his questions was what did i do for fun, he also included that he’s more of a homebody. I quickly figured that something had to be up, but i just answered that i like to do outdoors stuff, especially in the summer time. As we continued our back and forth he mentioned working out from 6 to 11am, so i’m wondering where does he work that he can work out those normal office hours times of the day. He quickly respones, he got laid off BUT owns a truck and does odd jobs…hmmm no wonder you’re a homebody. can’t go no place with no money in the bank! he later asks for my email addresses adn sends me about 5 or pictures of him in various clubs…hmmm why not take that time and find a job? why oh why would he think that i would be turned on by such fuckery? needless to say i no longer waste my time talking to that fool.
I’m not one to need a man to make lots of money (though that’s never a bad thing), but yeah i do agree that you need good credit and a savings account and a 401K. As for the car, in my 20’s i didn’t care of a dude had a car or not, as i’m well into my 30’s that’s pretty important to me, because when i get dressed up and put on my Jimmy Choo’s I will NOT be taking the train to meet you no damn place!
Comment from buda
Time: July 18, 2008, 6:47 pm
women kill me!!! I can feel your pain with these nothing ass dudes, but what about broke women there are droves of them! whatever you want in a mate I hope you are bringin the same (dont eat at this table if you aint brought nothing)! I see chicks at my job talkin about what a man drives and how he dresses, but they stay at home with there mom and drive a hyndai accent (carnote one one of those is like 100 bucks a month) Dont get me wrong, some men are dead wrong for the shit that we try to pull, but I dont lie anymore (notice anymore) I tell a chick from the door I’m broke I have my own place, car and savings account and 401k, but GOD DAMN I’M STRUGGLIN LIKE A MUGG! Most of them appreciate my honesty …. I think most of them think I’m lying, but its the truth… Most realtionships end over money issues and 90% of our problems are financial all this should be disgusted in the beggining … Cuz its a damn shame watchin women I work with hiding colthes they bought from there husbands in the trucks of there cars!! The way a person spends money should be known just like knowing if that person smokes or she is a swallower or not! We need to know!
Comment from FallenStarNBabylon
Time: July 18, 2008, 6:52 pm
here we go… YOu slay ME!
BUDA: “whatever you want in a mate I hope you are bringin the same (dont eat at this table if you aint brought nothing)!”
T: I bring my A game, EVERY time I COMMIT to a realationship; and with that said, I don’t bring anything less than what I demand from a mate. FYI.
Whether those women live at home with Mommy, Daddy, four kids and pet Pig named Chester - MEN WILL ALWAYS pick them up for one reason or another and deal with those women. Sometimes things work out despite her lack of $$. BUT as soon as that pet pig pisses on his new Jordans she and her mini farm will be back home to mommy while the man is on to the next! That’s a choice they make (notice the word CHOICE).
We all seem to get ourselves into precarious situations for one reason or another. However, to those individuals who strive and expect more from themselves and those whom they allow into their lives, conversations regarding finances should ALWAYS occur as we both agree. Once again, I don’t want a mate who HAS to work all those jobs and is still broke in the following areas we both detailed above, that’s just MY porogative ( I can do what I want to do!). That to ME is a CLEAR indicator that - that man’s finances look as good as Richard Simmons in polkadot pumpum shorts.
We all have choices and if you choose not to ask, well please believe a person with a fucked up credit score ain’t about to offer it up. Instead of asking her if she swallows, make it a bigger priority to ask miss thing when’s the last time she pulled up her Experian report. Not knowing those particulars reflects more poorly on you than it does her.
I’m nosy, so please believe I ask potential suitoes these particulars within the first few weeks; as well as can I cope a feel of the goodies. The more I know, the further we BOTH can go.
Comment from buda
Time: July 18, 2008, 6:42 pm
I knew that would raise an eyebrow or two! I agree …… I agree with you
Comment from R
Time: July 21, 2008, 6:04 pm
Richard Simmons in a pumpum shorts? oh hell to the no!!! If i’m jst looking to chill with a dude, honestly i don’t care about none of the above, because you’re not coming to my home and i’m not going to your room next to your momma’s in her project apartment. i don’t care what you drive as long as you drive and you better at least have enough money to take me out, even if it’s just TGIF’s…now if i’m looking for something more substantial, then yeah…you gotta live on your own, because you will not try to take up second residence in my spot, you should drive something decent, have a job that does not entail a uniform or working in the mail room waiting for Bob on 19 to get you into the training program. If you’re working 10 jobs, when oh when are we supposed to spend time together? huh? never!…yeah i thought so…next!!!
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