It’s 2am and I’m about to finally hit the sack. I’m of course suffering from lack of sleep yet I can’t get my eyes to stay shut. Yesterday was a strange, oddball kind of day. I started out chilling with mi familia and in the midst of it all there it fu*kin was. Out of the blue I get an email from my ex, and after an hour of utter an sheer ambivalence, of course - I opened it. It was short and light hearted and yet it fu*ked with me emotionally. After everything this man put me through (and it was quite devastating) I suddenly felt a pang of inconceivable sadness and yearning. How do you suddenly stop loving someone after years of being together? Will I ever be totally rid of this man once and for all? A lot of people are able to be friends with their ex’s even after traumatic breakups but I don’t know… My rational mind knows that on so many levels that would be a devastating idea that would only end up causing me more pain. But I miss him. I genuinely miss the friendship and camaraderie in which we shared. I miss the way he made me laugh uncontrollably, I miss allot of things. He was my friend and I miss him. I miss him so much it physically HURTS. How do you ever let go of your first love? This bites. Feel like crying right now …ahhhhh. I will not cry. I will not cry. Read more »
Posted: July 1st, 2008 under V's Rants on N-E & EvRYthing.
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